Destroyed…but Determined

My heart is breaking.

Scratch that.

It’s broken. It’s shattered.

America and its people have ripped my heart out, set it on fire, and then paraded around on it as if it doesn’t matter.

And, according to our new “President”, it doesn’t. Because I’m a woman.

I have never in my life been ashamed to call myself an American. I have always proudly stood (and teared up on occasion) when the National Anthem is played; I have never been afraid to tell people in foreign countries that I am American; I have been proud of our history and our culture. But now, it is with a heavy heart and soul, that I have to admit that that is no longer the case. The American people have failed each other and I fear that the worst is yet to come.

The overwhelming feeling that is enveloping me is not one of anger or sadness (though I am experiencing those)…it is fear.

Fear that I am not going to have a country to come home to in a year and a half.

Fear that the American people are going to turn against each other even more than they already are because these actions are condoned by those individuals in power.

Fear that my life abroad is in danger because of the actions of this xenophobic, racist, idiotic man and how that will translate into violent actions and anti-American sentiments in places all over the world.

Fear that my children will grow up in a world filled with hate and malice instead of love and acceptance.

Fear for the lives of my family that can’t afford to live without support from the government in the forms of Medicare/Medicaid and Social Security.

Fear that we are going to fall into WWIII because the “leader” of our country is a petulant child that can’t even responsibly use social media and the American people thought it was a good idea to give him access to fucking nuclear weapons.

I am truly in disbelief that Americans would elect a man as deplorable as this. A man who has numerous accusations of rape and sexual assault. A man who openly and without emotion makes disgusting comments about women, members of the LGBTQIA community, immigrants, and basically everyone that isn’t a white man.

Well, fuck him.

As a victim of sexual assault, this election has been a trigger from beginning to end that I have endured in silence. No more. Today, I stand in solidarity with all the victims of sexual assault that are suffering from this election and the hate-filled rhetoric being spewed by this venomous monster.

I have been crying all day and my job responsibilities are taking a hit for it. I am lucky enough to be at training this week with other American volunteers because I honestly don’t know what it would have been like to be at site alone when all of this hit the fan. I am 5000 miles away and I am absolutely terrified. My support system here in Moldova has been above and beyond what I could have ever imagined and I am so thankful that I am here suffering through this with like-minded and like-spirited individuals instead of at home surrounded by those who don’t see the importance in loving everyone for exactly who they are. Today, my colleagues and I cried together, laughed together, and drowned our sorrows in an insane amount of McDonalds. And I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else right now. To my fellow Americans in Moldova, thanks for being you, I love you all. It’s on us to show Moldovans what America is truly like and I wouldn’t want anyone else fighting this battle beside me.

In true “hug the tree, liberal” fashion, I am choosing to be optimistic that the people of our country (not the government) can reunite and overcome this. That we can come together and affect change for those people that the government refuses to help due to biological predispositions, such as race, gender, and sexual orientation. That we can choose love instead of hate.

I’m devoting the rest of my life to loving people…of all colors. of all religions. of all sexual orientations. of all everything.

What about you?

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