This is it.
This is what Peace Corps warns you about.
When you begin transitioning into your Peace Corps life in your country of service, you are told throughout training by staff and current volunteers that one of the hardest things that you will have to deal with is life moving on and changing back at home without you being there to experience it. I had no doubt that my family and friends’ lives would move on while I was gone and I thought I had prepared myself for that. Guess emotions run deeper than I knew…
One of my best friends from college got engaged yesterday and, while I am extremely excited for her, I have been struggling internally all day. Her wedding was something that we had talked about since we became friends just assuming that I’d be around when she got engaged. We knew we were going to plan it together and that, when the day came, I would be standing alongside her as she married the man of her dreams. But, life happened and here I sit 5,421 miles away. Even though a date has not been set, I know the likelihood of me being able to attend is very slim as I do not complete my service in Moldova until late July/early August 2018 and she will almost certainly get married before then. It’s a hard pill to swallow and I find myself falling into tears whenever I start thinking about it.
She and I have had a friendship that has withstood distance and adulthood. We became friends in college through our sorority…my Big Sister had adopted her into our family and the rest is history. We were twiddles, roommates, partners in crime…basically everything you would want out of a college friendship. After graduation, we parted ways, but did not let the distance diminish our friendship. We can go months without talking (an 8 hour time difference is a booger), but whenever we do, we just fall right back into it. Our friendship wasn’t an expected one as we were so different, but those differences are what made us click with one another. We learned from one another, leaned on each other when things got rocky, and laughed through the majority of our last two years in college.
Now, she’s living her dream. She’s a teacher and is getting married, which has been the ultimate since I met her 7.5 years ago.
But, I’m living my dream too and this is something I have to remind myself of.
I know that dreams are built on sacrifice and, eventually, this will be easier for me to handle. But, for now, I’m sad and wish desperately I could be back in the States, helping her prepare for her next big adventure.